When you least expect it, the life which you have been living suddenly becomes the heartbreak you must endure. Your world is now full of broken promises and endless tears inflicted upon you by the man who swore to love you til the end. Thoughts of “why wasn’t I good enough for him to love?” or “maybe if I just tried a little bit harder” run rampant through your head. This path you are forced to trudge is dark and marked with sadness and failure. You will only know the direction in which you will go once you hit your own rock bottom.
When you are at a crossroads in life and are faced with the most heart-wrenching of two choices, dig deep within your heart, look up to the heavens, and pray for the strength to choose the path that ultimately will bring you inner peace.
When in the midst of a personal struggle you must take a deep breath, a step back, and re-evaluate all aspects of your life. You must be open and willing to give honest consideration to the role you are actually playing in your situation, rather than the role you perceive yourself to be playing. You must be willing to change what needs to be changed as compromise is the only road that will get you there the way you wish to arrive – that being together.
Murphy’s law dictates that you will finally have a fabulous hair day right before you go for your long awaited hair cut.
Stop having expectations of your life, in your relationships, and in your career and you will minimize your disappointments….
Having never fully lost all of the baby weight I gained with my daughter (yeah she turned two several weeks ago), constant snacking throughout the day (such a bad habit I somehow picked up), and eating meal proportions beyond what is recommended (don’t want to let food go to waste) – all this coupled with limited workout opportunities, getting older, and of course holiday food temptations – have left me feeling very dissatisfied with my physical self. It’s not just the extra poundage that has impacted how I am feeling, but also my body proportions, my lack of tone (hello flabby arms) and the overall physical changes that my body has endured after having three children. Maybe I am being hard on myself, but I want to feel healthy and fit for me; and attractive and sexy for my husband – and right now I do not feel any of these.
As busy mom of three, it has been very challenging for me to find the time to work out and stay in shape. Throughout my life I have always been a fairly active person; yet between my job, home responsibilities (i.e. laundry, cooking, cleaning), the kids busy schedules, etc. it is often impossible for me to put aside a half hour to an hour for some “workout time.” And when I do find this time, I have my toddler in tow. Forget joining a gym – that’s something I have no interest in doing because I quite frankly have neither the discipline nor the desire to go. My workout passion is actually walking. I love to get outside whenever I can and log some mileage just by going for a nice long walk. Of course with the weather (finally) turning cold, those bitter temperatures have greatly put a damper any walking opportunities, when they do happen to present themselves.
In an effort to combat this rut I have found myself in, when my husband asked me what I wanted for Christmas I, without hesitation, told him that I wanted a treadmill. At least with a treadmill I could walk whenever I wanted to and there would be no excuses on my part as to why I couldn’t sneak in some exercise. I had asked for one last Christmas but I think my husband must have thought I was joking because I never got one. But this year I insisted on one, and a few days before Christmas one showed up at my door – though it is currently in a big box that is now sitting in my living room just waiting to be assembled.
Of course having the means (once it’s assembled) to now workout is not enough. I need the motivation – as if standing in front of the mirror with nothing on isn’t enough motivation in and of itself….(Shudder…lol) My motivation came just last night when my husband, who I can pretty much guarantee was tired of hearing me complain about my physical self (especially when he tells me that I am beautiful), challenged me to a little friendly weight-loss competition. The challenge is simple – which one of us can lose the most weight between now and March 1st. We both weighed in yesterday to establish our starting weights and now it’s anyone’s game. While we haven’t decided on a “prize” so to speak, the challenge itself has already been a great motivator – for I will never live it down if I lose to a man who does not exercise and will have to rely on healthy-eating, and healthy-eating alone (not one of his strong suits either) to beat me.
So just this morning I got up and walked 4.25 miles (in the cold mind you since my treadmill is still not assembled – and now in light of this challenge might never get assembled as an attempted sabotage tactic – lol) and made it a point to, throughout today, eat healthy, eat the correct food proportions, and limit my all-day snacking habits. I started utilizing my workout/food app as a way to track and hold me accountable as it pertains to both my caloric intake and active minutes. This is only day one, there is a long road ahead – one that will take willpower, self-discipline, and self-control. While I don’t plan on becoming a fanatic about every little calorie or exercise opportunity, for me I need to, in light of past bad habits, maintain a heightened awareness about my whole self.
So, when your husband proposes a weight-loss challenge – its GAME ON!!! Here’s to kicking his butt and regaining the body I have been longing for….
- Why, if you are going to complain about all of the laundry that is piling up don’t you go down to the washing machine and throw a load in for me?
- Why if you are going to complain that all your clothes are dirty and that you have nothing to wear, don’t you read #1 on my list?
- Why do I practically have to drag my children out of bed on a school day, but on the weekend they voluntarily get up at some ungodly early hour?
- Why can’t my house stay clean for longer than a hot 5 minutes?
- Why, if the morning routine is the same every single day, do my kids look so surprised when I ask them if they have brushed their teeth?
- Why can’t someone in my family just answer my questions with polite responses rather than snotty retorts?
- Why did I sign up to be the craft mom at my son’s Holiday Party when I could have so easily read the class a story instead?
- Why don’t my kids realize that I can’t be late to work any more than they can be late to school?
- Why is it not acceptable to feed them chicken nuggets and french fries every night ? – at least I know they will eat that…
- Why must my toddler peel a banana, take one bite, and then tell me she doesn’t want it?
- Why don’t my kids eat the fruit I pack them?
- Why can’t anyone in my household rinse the toothpaste foam that they spit out of their mouths and into the sink, down the drain?
- Why is there only one volume of noise in my house – that of loud?
- Why can’t all of my children be good at the same time?
- Why when I forget to do something is it a monumental and catastrophic issue but you forget to do something it’s my fault for not reminding you?
- Why can’t all of my children be in a good mood at the same time?
- Why can’t my family look more put together and less dysfunctional when we are out in public?
- Why can’t I have nap-time? (probably because I still have that laundry to do)…
- Why do I bother putting my kids clothes neatly in their drawers if they are just going to grab their clothes out and stuff them back in without a care?
- Why can’t anyone find anything in this house other than me?
Very rarely do we as moms get to enjoy some small food indulgence (usually that indulgence is candy) without feeling the longing stares of those multiple pairs of little eyes boring into our very beings – silently pleading for a bite, a taste, or a lick of whatever it is we are attempting to enjoy. Ultimately, because we are moms, we end up sharing whatever it is with our children (assuming we can) – but let’s face it – sometimes we just want to selfishly savor something without having to divide it up a million different ways.
Or quite possibly we don’t even get to the indulgence because someone in the household has already taken it upon themselves to eat it right out from underneath us. Yes, there is nothing worse than looking forward to that candy bar (a treat that every so often I will crave) only to find out that tiny vultures made off with it just prior, leaving nothing but an empty wrapper on the kitchen counter to showcase “their kill.”
My girlfriend recently shared with me her “mommy chocolate protection vault” as I will call it. I think it’s rather ingenious and give her kudos for her creativity. Since there is a good chance it will also keep her chocolate safe from her husband maybe I should instead call it the “mommy/husband chocolate protection vault.” Either way it’s awesome and very effective in her household. So go for it moms – find that secret place and stash your stash…..
So after my horrific monthly hormonal upheavals led me to ask my doctor if I ‘d finally gone off the deep end and I learned instead that I had PMDD….
After doing battle with the insurance company who (unbeknownst to me must have obtained a medical degree) declined to cover the medication that my physician wanted to put me on, and instead sent her a list of those medications which they would cover and she’d need to choose from…
And, after waiting one extra month to start this new medication because the pharmacy was initially unable to obtain it in time for me to start it at the appropriate time of my cycle for that month…..
Finally, just last week, I was able to begin what I truly hope for me will be a journey of calm. While I am sure that it’s probably too soon to make any declarations of success or failure, and whether or not it’s currently all in my head, I do feel slightly different. It’s as if a generalized calm has settled over me. This is not to say that I don’t react and experience my usual emotional variabilities, but they don’t seem to be as exaggerated. My reactions to events, occurrences, and antagonistic issues seemed to be less intense and more manageable – which for me is monumental.
So, while it’s still early on in this medication transition, I am cautiously optimistic that these early positive signs will be the emotional corralling that I have been seeking. Only time will tell if this is the answer for me….