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What motherhood has taught me….

A mom shares lessons learned as she juggles her family and career….

Month

July 2017

Moving Saved My Marriage….

For many of you who follow my blog, I have in prior posts made mention of the fact that my marriage had been under a lot of stress for quite some time.  I had kept mum about it in the beginning, only opening up to a very few close friends, but slowly over time the rosy veneer began to crack and the ugliness spilled out into and all over everything.  Soon there wasn’t a day that went by that we weren’t fighting about something, anything, and everything…. We were existing on borrowed time.  He hated the house we lived in – the one I had once shared with my ex-husband.  He resented the fact that nothing was his, that we tripped over my ex on a daily basis, and that he was far from his work, his friends, his family.  I resented him for resenting everything.  I hated that it was like pulling teeth to get him to help me out with anything around the house.  I hated that he didn’t contribute, participate, or want to be a part of our family.  To make a long story short, he was miserable, I was miserable and together we were a mess.

Putting my house (because truthfully that was what it was) on the market was like taking an enormous leap of faith, if not throwing the proverbial Hail-Mary” if you will…  I wasn’t ready to be done with my marriage and felt deep down that a change of venue might just be what we needed to reset our marriage and ourselves.  Many around me questioned my thought process but I was adamant that I needed to make this move.

Fast forward a year and a few blog posts on the stressors of buying and selling a home and I am happy to report that we just celebrated one month in OUR new house.  It was a very long road to get here but it truly seems to have been worth it.  The difference I have noticed in my husband is huge.  In general he is more relaxed, more at ease, and genuinely happier.  He spends more time with the kids and has even made a very concerted effort to bridge the gap he created with my boys.  He is vested in working on our house and takes pride in projects we have begun to undertake.  And while we still have moments where we disagree and fight, our marriage for the first time in a long time is on much more solid ground.

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The 40+ Mom Body….

Lately I have been avoiding looking in the mirror at all costs because frankly I don’t recognize the body that is reflected back at me.  In my mind I am still that fit 20-something year-old – however my reflection boasts a different and more well-seasoned story.  Frankly it screams out “Hi I am over 40, have three kids, work full time, and have very little time for myself!!!” Please note that this post is in no way meant to come off as shallow or superficial; but rather to highlight my own personal struggle with body changes I am having difficulty accepting and am trying to work on so that I can feel my best mentally and physically.  This post is not to claim that “I am fat” or “overweight” because if you were to look at me you would call me crazy and ask “who is this whiney bitch?”  For me my struggle is with the extra 10+ pounds I cannot seem to shed and how that 10+ pounds proportionally has altered my physicality enough to change the way my clothes fit, change the way my brain processes my physical image, leave me feeling sluggish and leave me feeling less than desirable sexually.   The bottom line is that I am not looking to be some “Skinny Minnie” but rather I want to get healthy.  I want to get in shape, get toned, and in the process of doing all of this – lose some of the weight that I have gained over the years.  I know this is completely relatable to so many of you….

I was always an active person with an active metabolism.  In high school and college I played sports and during my young adult life (pre-children) I biked and walked regularly. I admit I didn’t always watch what I ate, but then I was fortunate enough that my young metabolism was kind to my indulgences.    With my first two pregnancies I was sick as a dog so afterwards there wasn’t a lot of weight to lose.  Some might call this lucky and maybe in a way I was.  However, my first pregnancy left me with some pretty gnarly abdominal stretch marks that from a body image standpoint greatly impacted my self-image.  Stupid and superficial, maybe…. yet none-the-less it was to me significant enough on my inner psyche that to this day it still bares an impact my physical perception.

Fast-forward some years and the timeline went as follows: I got divorced, changed jobs, entered into a long term relationship and then exited that relationship 2 years later.  It was at the end of that relationship that I decided it was time to kick the “let’s get in shape” into high gear.  And I did.  I started walking 5+ miles a day, eating healthy and doing strength training.  The results majorly boosted my self-confidence.  I not only felt as if I were in the best shape of my life but I looked it.  I was toned (which helped my stretch mark issue), at a healthy weight for my height, and looked how I wanted to look physically.  Then I met my husband.  We met, got married and I got pregnant with our daughter.  I ate donuts like they were going out of style, packed on the pregnancy weight and never lost it.  After her birth I went back to work full time and life with three kids hit an all-time fevered pitch.  Factor in the stressors of our marriage and hitting 40+, selling/buying our house and moving, and it was as if my body rebelled and shut down.  My clothes got tight and nothing fit right proportionally (I refuse to buy new clothes because I know that if I lose even 5 pounds it will be a game changer).  I was and am at the heaviest weight I have ever been which has aggravated my stretch marks  and amplified how my brain was processing my image.   It was and has been very discouraging, if not depressing.  No amount of salads or occasional walking helped and I have been left feeling how this post started – disgusted and desiring a change.

Present day – as in today….. Last week I made a conscious decision to put me first.  I found some women to walk with and dragged out my bike out of the garage so that I can start  mixing up my work-outs.  I started my strength training again and am even doing some core work-outs.  I still trying to eat healthy and have kicked up my water intake.  I don’t expect an overnight miracle but I have noticed that I am down a few pounds.  This in itself has been huge on my self-confidence.  I am hoping this is what I need to get myself where I want to be.  And where I want to be is comfortable with me.  More to come in future posts…..

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