Motherhood comes with many entitlements that may not be understood by some – but will definitely be understood by other moms.  They are as follows….

  1.  It is perfectly acceptable to hide chocolate from both your kids and your husband and then lock yourself in the bathroom to eat it.
  2. If I want to have cookies or chips for breakfast then I am going to despite the fact that I have strictly be forbidden my kids to do the same.
  3. If you are going to demand that I drive you to school (which btw is within walking distance) before I have had a chance to put myself together then yes I will do it in my pajamas, braless, with my hair matted to one side of my head – and watch out because I might even get out of the car, kiss you goodbye while shouting hello to your friends.
  4. Any mess made by me will be cleaned up when I damn well feel like cleaning it up.  Any mess made by you better be cleaned up when I say it needs to be cleaned up.
  5. Dinner options will be selected by me 95% of the time and if you do not like what has been chosen then please feel free not to eat it (that goes for my husband as well).
  6. Occasionally my “crazy” will come out in the form of a spastic freak-out that most certainly will involve curse words and yelling.  Please be advised that this is not the time to ask me anything and that for your safety you should just leave me alone.  Chances are either you, my dear children, or you, my wonderful husband have driven me to this moment so the least you can do is let me have it in all it’s glory.
  7. “No” is a word that I can use and will use when deemed necessary and appropriate so as to protect you, guide you, and ensure that you act like decent, caring, respectful human beings.
  8. I will make my bed when and if I feel like it.
  9. I do not have to like your friends and I will voice my opinion about who you are hanging out with, calling, and texting.
  10. School work is not optional so you can bet your ass I will be up yours to make sure you are getting it done.
  11. Occasionally I might actually get to sit down.  If you find me as such, leave me in this position until I decide it’s time to get up.
  12. If I want to buy something for myself then I am going to because I usually don’t (have you seen my wardrobe lately?).
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