The spoken word, if conveyed harshly or with malice can do damage well-beyond what can ever be imagined….

Somewhere in the midst of all that life throws at you, my husband and I fell victim to daily stressors, personal insecurities, patterned behaviors, and reaction legacies and stopped being the loving couple we started out as.  Over time, all that we had created together began to fall apart, and our ability to communicate with one another completely broke down.  Loving words were replaced with those that were less than kind.  As a family unit we were coming apart at the seams.  As a couple we began to coexist, nothing more.  With resentment building, and fueling our downward spiral we are now at a crossroads in our marriage – either try to repair the damage or go our separate ways.

We’ve chose to try and fix what we’ve broke and I hope to God that we will come out on the other side of this mess, together and stronger as a couple.  Yet I would be naive to think that there is a simple fix to this whole situation.  Our issues are full of complexities that I don’t even know how to begin to work through.  We’ve chosen to go to counseling and I am optimistic that a neutral third person can offer us some insight so as to find some common middle ground.  But to fix this is going to take hard work and commitment – from both of us every day.  Words will not be enough to make us whole again.  I need for my husband to show me through his actions that he really is invested in saving our marriage and our family.  I want to believe in his love for me.  I want to see it in his eyes.  I want to feel it in his touch.  I want to believe that our marriage is not a mistake, that I am not a mistake.  I want the man back that made me feel like together we could take on the world.  I want my best friend back – the one that made me laugh, dream, and believe that together we were better than we were apart.

But there are no guarantees and that scares the hell out of me…

Advertisements