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What motherhood has taught me….

A mom shares lessons learned as she juggles her family and career….

Month

March 2016

Every parents worst nightmare…

What if in a split second your world was turned upside down and inside out?  What if your hope for tomorrow became your heartache of today?  What if your greatest joy became your overwhelming sorrow?

Last Friday evening a local teen was killed when the ATV he was riding on drove into the path of an oncoming pick-up truck.  Sadly he was not wearing helmet, a fact that I am sure will haunt his parents for the rest of their lives.  By all accounts this was a well-liked, athletic, personable young man; and the tragic nature of his passing has rocked our small community.  While I didn’t know this young man or his family personally, his death has profoundly impacted me as a mother….

As a mother I worry about my kids a good portion of each and every day.  I worry about their happiness, their well-being, their safety, and I worry about the choices that they make and will make in the future.  I try to set a good example for them to follow because it is my hope that when faced with various life situations, they will ultimately make choices that are best for them; choices that will keep them safe, and choices that will keep them out of trouble.  These are all things that I am sure that this young man’s parents did for him; so how did it turn out so terribly wrong?  How in an instant did he forgo safety for whatever it was that he thought was better?  As a mother it terrifies me to think that my best still might not be good enough to keep my kids safe.

As a mother, my heart breaks for this mom who will never get to hold her son again.  My heart breaks for a mom who said goodbye to her son last Friday not knowing that this time it would be forever.  My heart breaks for a mom who had hopes and dreams for her son’s future, a future that now no longer exists.  How does a mother ever move on from the moment that has now changed her life forever?  How does a mother bury the very child she gave life to?  How do these parents pick up the pieces and even begin to heal from their grief?  How does life go on?

When tragedy strikes we are forced to look at our own lives and ask some very tough questions.  Questions that we hope can offer us a mere shred of some sense in the wake of something that makes no sense at all.  We can ask why until we are blue in the face but there will never be any answers that make sense – only this young man knows why he chose what he chose on that fateful night.  I pray to God that in time these parents find some comfort, some peace, and something that gives them hope and meaning to move past this now defining moment in their lives.  I pray that this young man’s death will not have been in vain if reminds other young adults to put their safety first.  I pray that some good will come out of such sorrow and mourning.  And I pray that I will never have to know the pain of burying a child before their time.

When tragedy strikes communities come together, people unite for the common good of humanity, parents hold their kids tighter and we all stop and take pause – long enough to count the blessings we have today because their are no guarantees that they will be there tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

 

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Why I need my husband to show me that he loves me…

The spoken word, if conveyed harshly or with malice can do damage well-beyond what can ever be imagined….

Somewhere in the midst of all that life throws at you, my husband and I fell victim to daily stressors, personal insecurities, patterned behaviors, and reaction legacies and stopped being the loving couple we started out as.  Over time, all that we had created together began to fall apart, and our ability to communicate with one another completely broke down.  Loving words were replaced with those that were less than kind.  As a family unit we were coming apart at the seams.  As a couple we began to coexist, nothing more.  With resentment building, and fueling our downward spiral we are now at a crossroads in our marriage – either try to repair the damage or go our separate ways.

We’ve chose to try and fix what we’ve broke and I hope to God that we will come out on the other side of this mess, together and stronger as a couple.  Yet I would be naive to think that there is a simple fix to this whole situation.  Our issues are full of complexities that I don’t even know how to begin to work through.  We’ve chosen to go to counseling and I am optimistic that a neutral third person can offer us some insight so as to find some common middle ground.  But to fix this is going to take hard work and commitment – from both of us every day.  Words will not be enough to make us whole again.  I need for my husband to show me through his actions that he really is invested in saving our marriage and our family.  I want to believe in his love for me.  I want to see it in his eyes.  I want to feel it in his touch.  I want to believe that our marriage is not a mistake, that I am not a mistake.  I want the man back that made me feel like together we could take on the world.  I want my best friend back – the one that made me laugh, dream, and believe that together we were better than we were apart.

But there are no guarantees and that scares the hell out of me…

Butcher, baker, candlestick maker…

My “Mother” resume is growing.  Last week I unclogged the drain in the bathtub – all it took was some choice words, a lot of elbow grease, a mix of baking soda and vinegar, and then some good ol’ Liquid Plumber.  Tonight I successfully unjammed the garbage disposal – thank you Youtube – after my son accidentally dropped a bowl into the sink and the shattered glass got in all the disposal gears.  Sigh.

When did I become so damn handy?  Besides cooking, cleaning, general yard-work and lawn maintenance, homework detail, diaper duty, carpools, school projects, home improvement undertakings that include but are not limited to spackling and painting, and minor carpentry and masonry repairs; home decorating,  and now plumbing and whatever the hell category the disposal fell into, I am becoming extremely well-rounded and very versatile.  With the exception of electrical endeavors, which I will never touch, I have amassed quite the resume of super-skills.  So yes, I will take this moment to pat myself on the back because quite frankly I deserve it.  So does every mom who keeps their household afloat in whatever ways necessary to maintain the status quo.  We are so much more that “just a mom.” Our skill sets go way beyond the traditional roles that we were once pigeon-holed to, and are pretty darn amazing.  In fact, every mom I know is a walking circus act of talents that only another mom can fully comprehend and appreciate.  Sorry men, but I am not sure that you will never truly be able to grasp all that we really do do…despite your best efforts, even on your best day.  We as moms are a force to be reckoned with, acknowledged, respected, and admired – every single day of every week, all year long!

 

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